A young mother with terminal cancer talks about Jesus and dying

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by Name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters I will be with you;
and through the rivers they shall not overwhelm you.  Isaiah 41 :1,2

This week we have been made acutely aware again, of the brevity of life.  Our very good friend Gail,our age, has recently been diagnosed with cancer and after having to undergo and endure treatments, he has been diagnosed with further areas of cancer invasion and is terribly ill. 

This is Nia.

And then there is Nia who turns ten  in June who has Leukemia and after a recent relapse is back in Oxford Children's Hospital on aggressive chemo and other treatments.  Our dear friend is in America, geographically so far away - but we were able to visit cute Nia on Friday during a day-out to Oxford.

Jesus wept at Lazarus' grave - ponder the moving scene.  We would dearly love to be faithful in earnest prayer, with our Saviour's tears, for our friend, Gail and  for Nia and for their families. Having nursed our son Michael to the end of his young life, the ravages of cancer are all too familiar to us.  How easy it is to get caught up in the events of our lives and lose touch with the pangs of the pain and the concerns and the suspense of the suffering and those around them.

So, with these reasons in mind, we listened to a video talk by Rachel at a Women's event  hosted by Westside Church at the River Rock Show Theatre in Richmond, BC, Canada on March 4, 2009.


Here is the link to the young mother telling her story of dying with cancer.
Rachel  took the  opportunity to share her hope in Jesus Christ, as a terminal cancer patient.   What began as a small talk to her church women’s group became an event attended by over 600 women and was an experience that left many with a desire to discover more about Rachel’s journey and faith and Jesus.

In addition to the audio link, we also include the bulk of a blog entry/letter by Rachel, written with exceptional honesty about her own experience of dying  Our motivation for both the link and the letter is certainly not to pander to a macabre curiosity about death, but to grow in being sensitive and full of love to those who are dying, to increase in genuine sympathy and be a lot more prepared for our own deaths.  May we all move closer to being more skilled at being tender and  thoughtful and wise and informed friends to those who are going through deep waters.

We trust you will read this blog in that spirit and that, like Rachel, you too will not die alone, but have Jesus Christ your Good Shepherd right there with you when your own time has come to pass through the waters and the rivers and the valley of the shadow of death.  You will find 4 steps in Rachel's video talk which points to how to be ready to die.

Rachel wrote as follows on April 20th, 2009 and died in Jesus early July 2009.

Dying is hard




I’m not sure what I thought it would be like but I think I hoped it would be easier than this. But, admittedly, I’m not that tough.




First of all, I’ve never done it before and there’s no one around who’s done it before to ask how to do it well. You have to prioritize and plan your days, weeks, months, without knowing how much time you actually have. You have to find the balance between complaining so that you can get relief and not complaining so that you don’t annoy all the nice people who are trying to help you. All this, I am learning, I am not that good at.




I went to bed the other night feeling ok but woke up an hour later with searing pain in my head. If it didn’t sound so odd, I’d say that I can feel the cancer growing. My face went more numb and I had crazy pain in my jaw and head. The cancer has spread to my shoulders too so those ache often as well. I took some pain medication and it’s subsided somewhat but was then wide awake and couldn’t stop thinking about how this is all going to go down. Will it be fast? Slow? More painful than it is now? I ask but there are, of course, no answers.




The last couple of weeks have been a bit more rough. More bad days. Fewer good days. I’ve had some more radiation on my other hip and my sternum where the cancer has spread and was causing discomfort. I usually get a little “bounce” a few days after the radiation when the nausea and fatigue from the treatment have worn off. Today was one of those days - kind of.
Dying is hard. And now I better understand some of the things people struggle with as they near death.




I remember my grandmother who, at the end of her life could not move, see or hear very well and wondered what Jesus was waiting for - why wouldn’t he take her home now? I understand how she felt. I remember my grandfather, who died just last year, as he patiently endured our entreaties to eat, our constant asking of “How are you feeling?” or our efforts to make him more comfortable. I understand how he felt. And then there are the moments where the kids ask, “Mom, how come you got cancer?” Those questions, of course, are the hardest.




Although I do very little these days, the one thing I do is pray more. I’ve never been a great person of prayer, to my shame. But when I’m lying awake at night or trying not to throw up or just alone in bed - I pray. I pray because it is the only useful thing I can do. And, that said, it is a very good investment of the time I do have. I pray for Neil. A lot. How grateful I am for him and for strength to endure what is being asked of him. I pray for Quinn and Kate - while I still can. And I pray for the many people that God brings to my mind in the midst of my darkness.




So all that to say, I’m not very good at this. I am trying though. And when I think of the end, of how hard dying already is, and of how hard it will be for those I love when I’m gone, these are the verses that come to mind:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you.”
Isaiah 43:1-2

Dying is hard. But not as hard as it could be.

What is so compelling about the Christian future that it cannot be compared to our present sufferings?

Romans 8:18

 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us"

Ponder and Wonder and Shudder at the world's and personal sufferings thoughout the ages - spend a bit of time, get the picture.

Ask yourself: 

What is so compelling about the Christian future

 that it cannot be compared to our present sufferings?

For a fuller picture, please listen to Matt Chandler's online sermon preached on 18th April 2010 on the Afflictions of Christ (Part 7) from Colossians 1.

Indescribable, uncontainable, all powerful, untameable

One thing leads to the next. Our local Christian radio station broadcast Chris Tomlin’s “Indescribable” song, which led to a quick You Tube search, which led to this post.
link to "Indesecribable" by Chris Tomlin

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea

Creation's revealing Your majesty

From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring

Every creature unique in the song that it sings

All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.

You are amazing God

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go

Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow

Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light

Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night

None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name

You are amazing God

All powerful, untameable,

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God.

Nice song!

The tragic possibility of this moving piece of music is that we can really like the tune, the rendition, acknowledge that God is indescribable, incomparable and uncontainable – without a shred of love for Him.

Two further examples:
1) A day is surely going to dawn when every eye will see Jesus, every knee will bow before Him and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord - even the God-substituters, the God-mockers will see, bow and confess - yet without a trace of love for Him.

2) Another example: demons have faith and tremble - but do they sing of or say His lovingkindenss is better than life? Never, never!
It is only when our desire is for our God that we truly bow humbly before His majesty, His sovereignty and His amazing love in Jesus. It is only when we sense God as ultra excellent and alltogether lovely, infinitely above us in loveliness that we abandon, as filthy rags, our pathetic efforts to make our own way to God. What an insult every one of these self-saving efforts in the light of the Father’s sufficient provision in Jesus as the Way back to Him. It is possible to merrily sing along with Chris Tomlin's "You Tube" song and still pathetically try to gate-crash His presence. What a sinful cheek to think I can do it quite nicely all by myself: "Thanks for your grace, but no thanks. My pride and my confidence in how much I have to offer, cause me feel far too good about myself. Not for me the Untameable God who laid down His life – not for me the bits of being slaughtered to take away my sins. That sounds too much like Jesus is looking for me – I fancy seeing myself as a searcher after wisdom and spirituality and God.” How ridiculous is the heart’s pride which stubbornly refuses to see the Indescribable stooping, the Untameable leaving heaven, the Incomparable Jesus paying for my sins and reconciliation with the Father.

(Please forgive all the ".........". The reason for those is to help us to pause as we consider “The Big Stoop”.)

The indescribable and uncontainable made Himself .........nothing
The untameable and all powerful, humbled himself to the point of becoming obedient.
The uncontainable and amazing God became obedient ……to the point of death - even the death on a cross (Phil 2:3-8)..
The indescribable and uncontainable and untameable washed dirty feet!
The Lord of glory was put to a most ignominious death.

Is it not high time to take a long, hard look of faith – and be awestruck? There is no way that I can fall down before my God in awe without a radically changed attitude towards my sin.  Psalm 51.  As it dawns on me, by His gracious revelation and my faith that the incomparable Lord Jesus Christ was crucified to take away my sin, I have to honestly conclude that there is no way I can co-habit comfortably with my sin when my Lord, the Man of Sorrows, was so terribly punished for those very sins!

And then, lastly, a few lines on suffering. See this ” You Tube” song, when sung from a broken heart through tears of sorrow, turn into a beautiful sacrifice of praise. Oh come on, how can anyone genuinely sing these words of admiration and awe when we are torn and weary and abandoned? Where on earth is there space for adoration when we can scarcely process the most devastating news, when we are shattered by disappointment, when our child is dying before our eyes, when our life is in ruins?  Can this happen?

From Job’s experience: “Yes”. Blessed be the Name of the Lord who gives and who takes away.
From personal experience: "Yes". Blessed be the Name of the Lord who gives and who takes away.
And countless other Christian testimonies echo: “Blessed be the Name of the Lord who gives and who takes away”

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name

You are amazing God

All powerful, untameable,

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God.

Michael's 2nd appointment at Royal Marsden cancer hospital - remembering.

London 15 November 2005
Michael and I meet at West Drayton, a town on the western rim of Greater London. It’s mid afternoon and already half-dark, the low sky depressing and heavy.  Both of us hunch into our thick jackets. Well before peak-time, it is easy to find seats on the purple Piccadilly-line train.  Michael stretches out his long legs  in front of him – the I-pod plugged into his ears. We don't talk; he listens to his music. The stress, of facing likely death is all too clear on his young pensive face.

This is our second visit to the famous London Royal Marsden Cancer Hospital, a short distance from Kensington South , down Fullham Street/Road.. More familiar with the surrounds the second time round, we walk up the wide steps leading into a spacious entrance area and take the passage to the right. Michael, in pain, makes himself comfortable on one of the two big sofa’s. We are glad to see Gordon, who is working  in London city, arrive and meet up with us straight after work.  In the corner of the waiting room are the the water coolers, and  over there and there are cancer patients and family – most lost in their own thoughts. This is no Disneyland.  Between these four walls the days and hours and outcomes hang suspended.
Michael’s appointment is one of the last of the day. If only he was not so desperately ill that he is assured that his appointment is of indefinite length. Dr Seddon speaks in slow and deliberate words, her eyes, kind. Some of the medical facts are beyond our comprehension but more significantly “Michael has cancer and is going to die” proves to be the ultimate data beyond comprehension. The clinical picture looks grim. Dr Seddon looks Michael in the eye – she is talking with him, we, the parents, are also welcome.  We listen, supportingly.  Ewing’s Sarcoma grows at a fast tempo. More words.  Words we do not want to hear:   "tumour deposits","uncontrolled cancer growth". Repressed shudders. "Lesions” – this sounds like a tear – later we look up the exact meanings on the internet dictionary. Further grading is required. Another tumor staging and another tremor rolls through us all.

What is the best way forward - is there a way forward?  Is there an escape route, a way away, far away from the active volcano rim?

One minute everything drags in slow motion,  like swimming under water. Then again everything is moving at break-neck speed, bouncing along rough white-water rapids. Michael wants to live – he is holding on with white knuckled determination.  He is so young and he just wants to stay alive. What’s the use to psyche ourselves up and tell each other that everything will be just fine. There are realities to face. There is no getting away from it.   We are tormented by disappointment and distress, doubts and fears as Dr Seddon, explains some factors of Michael's life-ending illness, with diminishing hope, fading medical solution.   Is this the wave that is going to take Michael down?  Noooo, don't let it be!

Michael shows Dr Seddon the new painful lump on one of his left ribs.  She carefully examines and a little later, with tremendous compassion, say the dreaded "metastasis" word. These are defining moments, but we don’t want to hear the definition. These facts and figures trurn into our personal fiery realities and suffocating anxieties. There is talk of a very major operation, which would result in Michael having to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair. Sensitive and soft-spoken Dr Seddon's words clang in our ears.  "Morbidity" ratchets up the fear. For Michael, the basic instinct to stay alive is still a powerful force. As he expressed it later to Isabelle: "If I have a choice between life and legs, I choose life!"
(Pray for Drs who daily deliver shattering diagnosis.  Dr Seddon was brilliant)

Dr Seddon does not drag things out, yet Michael and us are given as much time as we need. Our Michael  wants to live, but was running out of options. Is there even a thread of fragile hope to which he and us can cling?  We are hanging onto Dr Seddons’s words, but we were free-falling.   What is our son doing here??!!  He should be at work, or chilling with his friends or surfing, or checking his car out – he should not be having this deeply worried look on his dear young face. Dr Seddon talks in her even voice. We steel ourselves. Michael is still embracing life: legs or life? Life!  It is like watching an accident in slow motion, helpless to stop it. We too, are desperate for Michael to survive.

If only we all could become helium-filled and drift off, float far away, from the cancer, from these words, these finalities, drift, drift, up, away.

Outside the old hospital, the air is bitingly cold. Blue Christmas fairy lights are twinkling cutely. People hurrying on to somewhere.  We catch the number 12 bus from Chelsea to Kensington South tube station. It’s peak hour. Zillions of commuters, Londoners and tourists scurry around. Michael tells us he HAS to buy cigarettes.  Did our son take long deep drags, or small, nervous staccato puffs? We don't know, he refused to smoke in front of us. Told us he respects us too much. We said, no, don’t worry, Michael!  He said, he has never smoked in front of us, since a teenager, and he wasn't going to do so now, out of respect.  We appreciate his sentiment, but just want to take the unspeakable tension, the apprehension and the deepest of anxieties, that of facing death, from our beloved son. 

Together Michael, Gordon and I catch  a tube train to Waterloo to meet a friend at a pub on the other side of the river. What happened next, was a first – and a last - in our 10 years of countless London city visits. As the three of us approached the foot of the Tube escalator, a young man held out a leaflet to us. I just knew this was not an advertisement for a West End show or a restaurant ad and received it. As we stepped onto the escalator, his words startled us: "Jesus heals the broken-hearted". How could he have known? Gordon and I look normal – well more or less! Michael is just a young adult man, due to turn 27 in a few days’ time – we did not know,then, that he had as little as 10 weeks to live. We have never before or since been handed a Christian leaflet on the tubes. Yet this unknown young man tells parents and an adult son in the London Underground: “Jesus heals the broken-hearted”. Three ordinary faces in the crowd but oh - our hearts in tatters. “Jesus heals the broken-hearted”.

Outside the train station, we catch a typical double-decker red London bus, and make our way up the narrow steep steps, clinging to the rail as the driver pulls off.  From the upper-deck bus window we stare at the stunning classic night sights of floodlit Westminster Abbey, white like a ghost. On our right, as we approach Westminster Bridge, a brilliantly glowing Big Ben, London’s best-known landmark, spectacular with clock faces illuminated. The golden reflections of the Westminster Palace are dancing with the dark Thames. The London Eye, deep purple, on the left  is turning slowly with tourists - maybe a man is proposing to a woman!  But this is no sightseeing tour. There is Gordon , the dad, making urgent calls to Isabelle and Liesl, in Germany and South Africa, sad to tell them of  their brother's  lastest devastating news.  Siblings' broken hearts.... Michael is  phoning his friends and I am taking a few photos. The whole upper deck belongs to Gordon and I and Michael and to our rippling shock and deep, deep pain.  In retrospect this was a strange thing. Just us, in the empty upper bus, been taken past world-class illuminated tourist icons, scared.  How many times have we not dashed up the bus steps in years past – laughing – hoping to find a seat right in the front – full of the thrill of a world city! Not tonight. Tonight we wonder what it means for our son to face death. Is it to let go of the future?

Michael’s friend is waiting at the Waterloo pub on the other side of the Thames. While dad and son  order something to eat and drink, we share the shattering news and weep together.

"The Shack" Tim Keller's Impressions

Gordon and I read "The Shack" during a holiday in Cornwall October 2008.  While we were highly interested in the themes of suffering and God and a real relationship with our Father in heaven, we neverthelesss felt most uncomfortable with several vitally important aspects of the Trinity and God's character.  Having stumbled across Tim Keller's impressions of "The Shack" this evening,  we still feel and think more or less the same thoughts.  Added to those concerns  is our suprise  that at least 2 strong Christian friends heartily recommended "The Shack".  Both are/were missionaries. We also received a copy as a gift....


So, here are Tim Keller's impressions.................

Dr. Tim Keller is the Senior Pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Manhattan, NY and a Council member with The Gospel Coalition.

The Shack – Impressions


Over the holidays I read a good (and devastating) review of William P. (Paul) Young’s The Shack in the most recent print edition of Books and Culture: A Christian Review (Jan/Feb 2010.) It was a reminder that I was one of the last people on the planet not to have read the book. So I did. So why write a blog post about it? It had sold 7.2 million copies in a little over 2 years, by June of 2009. With those kinds of numbers, the book will certainly exert some influence over the popular religious imagination. So it warrants a response. This is not a review, but just some impressions.

At the heart of the book is a noble effort — to help modern people understand why God allows suffering, using a narrative form. The argument Young makes at various parts of the book is this. First, this world’s evil and suffering is the result of our abuse of free will. Second, God has not prevented evil in order to accomplish some glorious, greater good that humans cannot now understand. Third, when we stay bitter at God for a particular tragedy we put ourselves in the seat of the ‘Judge of the world and God’, and we are unqualified for such a job. Fourth, we must get an ‘eternal perspective’ and see all God’s people in joy in his presence forever. (The father in the story is given a vision of his deceased daughter living in the joy of Christ’s presence, and it heals his grief.) This is all rather standard, orthodox, pastoral theology (though it’s a bit too heavy on the ‘free-will defense’). It is so accessible to readers because of its narrative form. I have heard many reports of semi-believers and non-believers claiming that this book gave them an answer to their biggest objections to faith in God.

However, sprinkled throughout the book, Young’s story undermines a number of traditional Christian doctrines. Many have gotten involved in debates about Young’s theological beliefs, and I have my own strong concerns. But here is my main problem with the book. Anyone who is strongly influenced by the imaginative world of The Shack will be totally unprepared for the far more multi-dimensional and complex God that you actually meet when you read the Bible. In the prophets the reader will find a God who is constantly condemning and vowing judgment on his enemies, while the Persons of the Triune-God of The Shack repeatedly deny that sin is any offense to them. The reader of Psalm 119 is filled with delight at God’s statutes, decrees, and laws, yet the God of The Shack insists that he doesn’t give us any rules or even have any expectations of human beings. All he wants is relationship. The reader of the lives of Abraham, Jacob, Moses, and Isaiah will learn that the holiness of God makes his immediate presence dangerous or fatal to us. Someone may counter (as Young seems to do, on p.192) that because of Jesus, God is now only a God of love, making all talk of holiness, wrath, and law obsolete. But when John, one of Jesus’ closest friends, long after the crucifixion sees the risen Christ in person on the isle of Patmos, John ‘fell at his feet as dead.’ (Rev.1:17.) The Shack effectively deconstructs the holiness and transcendence of God. It is simply not there. In its place is unconditional love, period. The God of The Shack has none of the balance and complexity of the Biblical God. Half a God is not God at all.

There is another modern text that sought to convey the character of God through story. It also tried to ‘embody’ the Biblical doctrine of God in an imaginative way that conveyed the heart of the Biblical message. That story contained a Christ-figure named Aslan. Unlike the author of The Shack, however, C.S. Lewis was always at pains to maintain the Biblical tension between the divine love and his overwhelming holiness and splendor. In the introduction to his book The Problem of Pain, Lewis cited the example from the children’s text The Wind in the Willows where two characters, Rat and Mole, approach divinity.
“Afraid?” murmured the Rat, his eyes shining with unutterable love. “Afraid? of Him? O, never, never. And yet — and yet — O Mole, I am afraid.”
Lewis sought to get this across at many places through his Narnia tales. One of the most memorable is the description of Aslan.
“Safe?…Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
That’s better.

Here is a direct link to Tim's blog:
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2010/01/27/the-shack-impressions/

Our Very Good Friend's Diagnosis with Cancer and learning about Postmodernity

Our good friend sent us this email from the States today:

"The surgeon reported to me this morning that the cancer operated on my hand and supposedly not to have spread unfortunately has indeed spread to the lymph system (10 of 33 nodes removed found diseased). At this point in time I am now classified as having Stage III Melanoma cancer.

I will be getting an MRI (head/brain scan) tomorrow. Other than confirming the previously known condition of 'emptyheaditis', (his reputation for good humour is well-earned!) -  it will determine if anything has spread to that extremity."

You may, or may not wonder how on earth do a few notes on Postmodernity and our friend's biopsy results  link...   First the basic notes, then briefly back to our friend.

You may know the 2 basic summary notes on Postmodernity as the palm of your hand,  including much extra knowledge.  You may never have considered this thinking by name, but you will recognise and should have  the "feel" of our own era, ie postmodernity.

In green:  "Two Notes from "Humble Apologetics" by Stackhouse.

In blue:    Personal impressions.

In red:     A Definition of postmodernity as given by Os Guinness in "Fit Bodies, Fat Minds"

From "Humble Apologetics" by John G. Stackhouse, Jr.

A Few Notes on Postmodernity:


BASIC NOTE #1    Postmodernity  is a matter of point of view.  Human perception and thought are profoundly and only subjective.
Human knowledge is restricted by, for example,
*  a particular viewpoint
*  a certain place
*  a certain time
* a certain light, etc etc etc.
There is no absolute viewpoint.  There are only particular vantage places that give angles of vision on only particular thing.  Our views vary because our points of views vary.


BASIC NOTE #2.  Human knowledge is characterised by the quality of the particular knower - or community of knowers.
In other words, human knowledge is characterised by, for example:
gender, race, age, education, physical and mental health, emotional state, prejudices, beliefs, appetites, preferences and previous knowledge - etc - these all affect the process of human perception and interpretation.
There are simply angles of visions.
Postmodernity has no confidence in the "right way" of doing things.  There is no reliable access to reality.  It is up to each individual to select the values by which he or she would live.  There is no standard of goodness.

Jesus is Lord. 
There is One Name given under heaven by which people can be saved. 
Jesus said "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life". 
Three of a myriad quotes from Scriptures in  direct contrast to postmodernity thinking. 
Personally, we are just so deeply thankful that God did not leave it up to us to create our own realities.  Jesus is Lord - full of truth and full of grace!  Logically, do I want to choose my combinations of moral values in cafeteria style, or do I want my Perfect God to show me what truth is?

A common observation of our times: "Tolerance is one of the key-words for the post-modernist -except for those who believe truth is important!"   Suddenly tolerance morphs into rock-hard intolerance.  (Yesterday the UK Parliament voted on the Equality Law - for example).

A good summary of postmodern thinking is given by Os Guinness in Fit Bodies, Fat Minds:


Where modernism was a manifesto of human self-confidence and self-congratulation, postmodernism is a confession of modesty, if not despair.

• There is no truth, only truths. There are no principles, only preferences.
• There is no grand reason, only reasons.
• There is no grand narrative of human progress, only countless stories of where people and their cultures are now.




• There is no simple reality or any grand objectivity of universal, detached knowledge, only a ceaseless representation of everything in terms of everything else.

In sum, postmodernism...is an extreme form of relativism - and deadly.

Does our dear Christian friend want to hear that Jesus may or may not leave or forsake him?

Of course not!

Postmodernity shrugs with a "whatever" God gives His firm Word.

Our friend is unwavering in his faith:

"God is sovereign and this and any future events, including cures, are ALL in His Hands and Plan.
I do not intend to cancel my golf membership in hopes of actually some day learning the game"

Imagine Postmodernity-thinking at work in a driver approaching this roundabout in the UK,

or anywhere else, for that matter.

Can you hunt the prey for the lion?

One of our fun-discoveries in the UK has been "The Pub-Quiz".  Gordon and I have been to a memorable pub-quiz in Glasgow: much more entertaining  than a list of questions answered by groups of people in an endearing accent!  Just as entertaining is the traditional quiz at our Christmas church parties in Surrey and Knebworth, Hertfordshire.  For most of the answers you need to have life-long local knowledge, so Gordon and I just play and laugh along ignorant of many of the answers!  We rely on our accents and know it is not an IQ-test - and even if it is:  our self-esteem, thankfully, does not hinge on our brilliancy - or lack of it!  Here we go again:  grace, grace, grace - how else!?

Well!  Towards the end of the book of Job, we find the mother of all quizes:  God tells Job to brace himself like a man and see how he does with HIS 64 questions.   Category:  science and nature.

One of God's 64 questions: 
 "Can you hunt the prey for the lion?"

To help us along in considering God's question, here is a video clip on hunting lions:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkZ8kOMWTdI

 "Can you hunt the prey for the lion?"

Job's response in Job 42:

• Job is in awe of God's sovereignty

Verse 2 "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted."

• Job admits his lack of information and understanding:

Verse 3 "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know."

• Job's personal encounter with His God

Verse 5 "My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you"

• Job repents - easily to take this verse out of context!   The rest of Job makes sense to Job's repentance - and ours!

Verse 6 "Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

As we are now only days away from the 4th anniversary of our Michael's (physical) death, we remember our lovely son and brother and  friend, with sore and yearning hearts.  What an incredible gap Michael has left in our lives!

And....at the same time, we are:
1) resting in God's sovereign purposes and most wonderful promises,
2) recognising that we have only part of the picture of our LORD'S ways and plans.
   No, I cannot hunt the prey for the lion!!   It is clear that we have not - by a far shot - adequate    understanding. 

When we are truly face to face with God, there is no ways we can charge and challenge Him about Michael's suffering with cancer and  death shortly after his 27th birthday. 

We humbly thank our sovereign and compassionate God:
That He allows - even invites - us to reason and ask questions. 
For that  total and experienced security in His sovereignty
For lots of space to mourn and weep. 
For those family and friends who understand.
For God's own complete understanding of our unique loss, having suffered incomparably Himself. 

We are always so acutely aware that suffering is wide-spread - you may very well be reading this as a suffering one...we hug one another and, hopefully,  go after Job's response together.  Our almighty God is our Refuge and  Comforter - a thousand times and infinitely more, worthy of our trust! 

Job: When the Righteous Suffer

Suffering, and some insights from Job

Earthquake in Haiti

Tuesday afternoon, January 12th, the worst earthquake in 200 years - 7.0 in magnitude - struck less than ten miles from the Caribbean city of Port-au-Prince, Haiti. The initial quake was later followed by twelve aftershocks greater than magnitude 5.0. Structures of all kinds were damaged or collapsed, from shantytown homes to national landmarks. It is still very early in the recovery effort, but millions are likely displaced, and thousands are feared dead as rescue teams from all over the world are now descending on Haiti to help where they are able.

This very minute, Gordon and I are listening together to one of  John Piper's sermons on "When the Righteous Suffer"  http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/42/

Do we turn a blind eye to the heavy feeling as the anniversary of Michael's death approaches?  No.  Do we nurse the sadness and resent God?  No. There is much more to how to endure hardship, strong in the faith, than these responses:

Who of us ever reach the point where we can claim:  "Right, suffering....... done and dusted -  tick! - been there, done that, let's move on!"

Here are just some of the facets of suffering we would like to understand better and submit to....

• God reigns powerfully as Lord and Sovereign - embrace!  Prefer His sovereignty to my own independence.
• God's justice - He always, without exception, does what is right.
• God's grace - if He dealt with us according to His justice, we would have been "gonners", 
• God is good, righteous, fair  and love and compassion.  Full stop.
• God knows everything, He has the full picture - we know very partially and we need to be humble enough to admit and submit  - and trust our God's purposes, satisfied and secure with Him.
• In this world the wicked and the righteous suffer and perish.
• Prosperity teaching (you sin - you suffer) is a cruel, cruel doctrine.
• The big unexplained questions in nature and science  - should leave us humbled, silenced and in awe of our God.
• What right have we to criticise and challenge and charge God as if we are His equal or even superior - God invites us to reason with Him, not to attack and belittle the Lord of lords and King of kings.
• Etc.

We will make the labels simple, ie:  "Job, suffering"

Who knows, maybe you have a  mountain of ironing, or cooking to do or a car to wash or boring filing, listening to John Piper's sermons will make you forget the chores while getting them done - and our souls and lives will benefit hugely.  So...here a the link to Piper's sermons on the book of Job - AGAIN!  http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/42/

Where to we go with our "Why Questions"?

http://www.boomerinthepew.com/2010/01/esv-study-bible-series-we-are-three-days-from-hearing-gods-reply-to-jobs-pleading.html#comment-6a00e55043abd088340120a7cce647970b

What follows is a comment on a friend's blog on Job - see link above.

In 10 days' time,  it will 4 years since that early morning our family stood around Michael's bed at the very time Jesus fetched him to be with Him.

As we read the Job chapters,  as we look around us,  we realise afresh that suffering is varied and painfully widespread.   So........we realise that our pain is no exception, there is worse suffering, etc etc.   It is not about blogging just our story, it is about seeing how our God works in our lives and it is about having tender hearts for one another and about honouring those we loved and about honouring our Lord Who gave them to us.   We would love this to be about the Lord our Rock,  Who has made the most amazing promises that are sure to be fulfilled:  in the present and in the future.

Gordon and Michael 1st January 2006

While reading Job, we have in mind Michael and  our family's "big suffering": Michael's death and remember that Job lost 10 children and his wealth, health, identity and reputation.  Why? Why? Why did Michael's chromosomes 11 a nd 22 switch before birth? Why did our strong, hard-working, surfing, life-loving son get Ewings Sarcoma when he was 25? Why did he have to suffer through 14 lots of aggressive chemo (5 hospitalised days every third week) and radio treatment in vain?  Why did he have to suffer and die?  Why did we have to go through witnessing him dying before our very eyes in the last 3 months of his life?

Without going into the details here, we can testify that God in His Word has truly given us ample and sufficient information about suffering. Of course there is mystery which is part of the answers. Of course, humanly speaking, we just want our boy back - now!

Please, please it is NOT as if we have arrived and there is now nothing more to learn - to the contrary. We desparately need our God's grace - and, by His grace and in Jesus - it is ours!

But as to these why-questions about our Michael, after wrestling and reading and listenig - we can honestly say that we are not asking them anymore. We are at rest and at peace. And this is good - so we can invest our energies in being in awe of God etc etc etc.

We all  find ourselves at different stages of our journeys, but we can't think that it is a good thing to get STUCK in the why questions forever. Of course, it is not as if the pain is all gone and our personal life carries on as if nothing has happened. But it is a case of resting in your and our Sovereign and simultaneously very, very Good God! He is gracious and He is worthy!
I'm sure we all know that if He had to deal with us - outside of Jesus Christ - we would have been infinitely worse off!

A worshipful response to suffering

This entry is part of a comment-respond to a friend's blog on Job:

Job 1:20 Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. 21And he said, "Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."

Yep!  the book of Job is difficult and foreign to us and its lessons are definitely a struggle!

Job accepted his suffering worshipfully. We know, that doesn't for a moment mean he never asked a question or argued - to the contrary! Of course, neither does it mean Job's suffering did not hurt very badly.

Five years ago Gordon and I could never have dreamed of responding worshipfully to "big" suffering - until our Michael died of cancer. Strengthened by the security in God's sovereignty and the comfort in His compassion, we have learned, by deliberate, real faith to let God be God in every event of our lives, even when we don't understand.

We discovered that worshipful response to suffering has nothing to do with super duper faith or shallow pain. A worshipful response to suffering has everything to do with our trustworthy Lord Jesus Christ & Heavenly Father and those fabulous present and ultimate promises.

Do you know, that Gordon and I were singing in church "Blessed be Your Name" by Matt Redman, the tears streaming down our faces, feeling so weak and yet worshipping the God who gave and who take away. All pure grace.
We're sure many, many Christians respond just like Job did - even though it is a mighty struggle and it may take time - and found God to be so gracious and worthy!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qp11X6LKYY&feature=related