Christopher Hitchens, the devoted atheist, diagnosed with cancer, speaks about his own mortality.

Mortality is a topic that concerns us all and the time has come for Christopher Hitchens - well-known atheist - to consider....

From "The Independent" - UK

"It has been only a few short weeks since the English-American journalist, author, professional controversialist and curmudgeon was diagnosed with an especially fierce form of cancer. And even those whom Hitchens has infuriated – and they are legion – will surely find it hard not to be moved by his plight today. He is 61 years old, has three young children, whom he had hoped to see married one day. In video interviews recorded in the last several days with CNN and The Atlantic he looks worn out and quite altered. "

"More people, he reports, are praying for his recovery than for his demise. Others are praying for him to see the light and save himself. He tells Anderson Cooper in the CNN clip that there is one web page that has identified 20 September as "Pray for Hitchens Day". But when prodded by both Cooper and Goldberg on the matter of his perhaps changing his mind on the absence or otherwise of an Almighty, he seizes the opportunity to make clear that no such thing is in the offing. If such a thing were to happen it would be because the illness had rendered him demented. "

Christopher's highlighted comment clearly states that to turn to God is to be demented.  The hard, proud heart does not budge even in the face of the terrors of death. 

More than the insult to Christians, is the insult to Jesus.

John 3:19  "This is the verdict:  Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.  Everyone who does evil, hates the light and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.  But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

So, despite the scorning, let's pray that Christopher Hitchens, talented man that he is, will swallow his pride, be honest with himself and with God and come into the light......

For further reading, follow this link. in "The Independent".

A young mother with terminal cancer talks about Jesus and dying

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by Name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters I will be with you;
and through the rivers they shall not overwhelm you.  Isaiah 41 :1,2

This week we have been made acutely aware again, of the brevity of life.  Our very good friend Gail,our age, has recently been diagnosed with cancer and after having to undergo and endure treatments, he has been diagnosed with further areas of cancer invasion and is terribly ill. 

This is Nia.

And then there is Nia who turns ten  in June who has Leukemia and after a recent relapse is back in Oxford Children's Hospital on aggressive chemo and other treatments.  Our dear friend is in America, geographically so far away - but we were able to visit cute Nia on Friday during a day-out to Oxford.

Jesus wept at Lazarus' grave - ponder the moving scene.  We would dearly love to be faithful in earnest prayer, with our Saviour's tears, for our friend, Gail and  for Nia and for their families. Having nursed our son Michael to the end of his young life, the ravages of cancer are all too familiar to us.  How easy it is to get caught up in the events of our lives and lose touch with the pangs of the pain and the concerns and the suspense of the suffering and those around them.

So, with these reasons in mind, we listened to a video talk by Rachel at a Women's event  hosted by Westside Church at the River Rock Show Theatre in Richmond, BC, Canada on March 4, 2009.


Here is the link to the young mother telling her story of dying with cancer.
Rachel  took the  opportunity to share her hope in Jesus Christ, as a terminal cancer patient.   What began as a small talk to her church women’s group became an event attended by over 600 women and was an experience that left many with a desire to discover more about Rachel’s journey and faith and Jesus.

In addition to the audio link, we also include the bulk of a blog entry/letter by Rachel, written with exceptional honesty about her own experience of dying  Our motivation for both the link and the letter is certainly not to pander to a macabre curiosity about death, but to grow in being sensitive and full of love to those who are dying, to increase in genuine sympathy and be a lot more prepared for our own deaths.  May we all move closer to being more skilled at being tender and  thoughtful and wise and informed friends to those who are going through deep waters.

We trust you will read this blog in that spirit and that, like Rachel, you too will not die alone, but have Jesus Christ your Good Shepherd right there with you when your own time has come to pass through the waters and the rivers and the valley of the shadow of death.  You will find 4 steps in Rachel's video talk which points to how to be ready to die.

Rachel wrote as follows on April 20th, 2009 and died in Jesus early July 2009.

Dying is hard




I’m not sure what I thought it would be like but I think I hoped it would be easier than this. But, admittedly, I’m not that tough.




First of all, I’ve never done it before and there’s no one around who’s done it before to ask how to do it well. You have to prioritize and plan your days, weeks, months, without knowing how much time you actually have. You have to find the balance between complaining so that you can get relief and not complaining so that you don’t annoy all the nice people who are trying to help you. All this, I am learning, I am not that good at.




I went to bed the other night feeling ok but woke up an hour later with searing pain in my head. If it didn’t sound so odd, I’d say that I can feel the cancer growing. My face went more numb and I had crazy pain in my jaw and head. The cancer has spread to my shoulders too so those ache often as well. I took some pain medication and it’s subsided somewhat but was then wide awake and couldn’t stop thinking about how this is all going to go down. Will it be fast? Slow? More painful than it is now? I ask but there are, of course, no answers.




The last couple of weeks have been a bit more rough. More bad days. Fewer good days. I’ve had some more radiation on my other hip and my sternum where the cancer has spread and was causing discomfort. I usually get a little “bounce” a few days after the radiation when the nausea and fatigue from the treatment have worn off. Today was one of those days - kind of.
Dying is hard. And now I better understand some of the things people struggle with as they near death.




I remember my grandmother who, at the end of her life could not move, see or hear very well and wondered what Jesus was waiting for - why wouldn’t he take her home now? I understand how she felt. I remember my grandfather, who died just last year, as he patiently endured our entreaties to eat, our constant asking of “How are you feeling?” or our efforts to make him more comfortable. I understand how he felt. And then there are the moments where the kids ask, “Mom, how come you got cancer?” Those questions, of course, are the hardest.




Although I do very little these days, the one thing I do is pray more. I’ve never been a great person of prayer, to my shame. But when I’m lying awake at night or trying not to throw up or just alone in bed - I pray. I pray because it is the only useful thing I can do. And, that said, it is a very good investment of the time I do have. I pray for Neil. A lot. How grateful I am for him and for strength to endure what is being asked of him. I pray for Quinn and Kate - while I still can. And I pray for the many people that God brings to my mind in the midst of my darkness.




So all that to say, I’m not very good at this. I am trying though. And when I think of the end, of how hard dying already is, and of how hard it will be for those I love when I’m gone, these are the verses that come to mind:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you.”
Isaiah 43:1-2

Dying is hard. But not as hard as it could be.

What is so compelling about the Christian future that it cannot be compared to our present sufferings?

Romans 8:18

 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us"

Ponder and Wonder and Shudder at the world's and personal sufferings thoughout the ages - spend a bit of time, get the picture.

Ask yourself: 

What is so compelling about the Christian future

 that it cannot be compared to our present sufferings?

For a fuller picture, please listen to Matt Chandler's online sermon preached on 18th April 2010 on the Afflictions of Christ (Part 7) from Colossians 1.

Michael's 2nd appointment at Royal Marsden cancer hospital - remembering.

London 15 November 2005
Michael and I meet at West Drayton, a town on the western rim of Greater London. It’s mid afternoon and already half-dark, the low sky depressing and heavy.  Both of us hunch into our thick jackets. Well before peak-time, it is easy to find seats on the purple Piccadilly-line train.  Michael stretches out his long legs  in front of him – the I-pod plugged into his ears. We don't talk; he listens to his music. The stress, of facing likely death is all too clear on his young pensive face.

This is our second visit to the famous London Royal Marsden Cancer Hospital, a short distance from Kensington South , down Fullham Street/Road.. More familiar with the surrounds the second time round, we walk up the wide steps leading into a spacious entrance area and take the passage to the right. Michael, in pain, makes himself comfortable on one of the two big sofa’s. We are glad to see Gordon, who is working  in London city, arrive and meet up with us straight after work.  In the corner of the waiting room are the the water coolers, and  over there and there are cancer patients and family – most lost in their own thoughts. This is no Disneyland.  Between these four walls the days and hours and outcomes hang suspended.
Michael’s appointment is one of the last of the day. If only he was not so desperately ill that he is assured that his appointment is of indefinite length. Dr Seddon speaks in slow and deliberate words, her eyes, kind. Some of the medical facts are beyond our comprehension but more significantly “Michael has cancer and is going to die” proves to be the ultimate data beyond comprehension. The clinical picture looks grim. Dr Seddon looks Michael in the eye – she is talking with him, we, the parents, are also welcome.  We listen, supportingly.  Ewing’s Sarcoma grows at a fast tempo. More words.  Words we do not want to hear:   "tumour deposits","uncontrolled cancer growth". Repressed shudders. "Lesions” – this sounds like a tear – later we look up the exact meanings on the internet dictionary. Further grading is required. Another tumor staging and another tremor rolls through us all.

What is the best way forward - is there a way forward?  Is there an escape route, a way away, far away from the active volcano rim?

One minute everything drags in slow motion,  like swimming under water. Then again everything is moving at break-neck speed, bouncing along rough white-water rapids. Michael wants to live – he is holding on with white knuckled determination.  He is so young and he just wants to stay alive. What’s the use to psyche ourselves up and tell each other that everything will be just fine. There are realities to face. There is no getting away from it.   We are tormented by disappointment and distress, doubts and fears as Dr Seddon, explains some factors of Michael's life-ending illness, with diminishing hope, fading medical solution.   Is this the wave that is going to take Michael down?  Noooo, don't let it be!

Michael shows Dr Seddon the new painful lump on one of his left ribs.  She carefully examines and a little later, with tremendous compassion, say the dreaded "metastasis" word. These are defining moments, but we don’t want to hear the definition. These facts and figures trurn into our personal fiery realities and suffocating anxieties. There is talk of a very major operation, which would result in Michael having to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair. Sensitive and soft-spoken Dr Seddon's words clang in our ears.  "Morbidity" ratchets up the fear. For Michael, the basic instinct to stay alive is still a powerful force. As he expressed it later to Isabelle: "If I have a choice between life and legs, I choose life!"
(Pray for Drs who daily deliver shattering diagnosis.  Dr Seddon was brilliant)

Dr Seddon does not drag things out, yet Michael and us are given as much time as we need. Our Michael  wants to live, but was running out of options. Is there even a thread of fragile hope to which he and us can cling?  We are hanging onto Dr Seddons’s words, but we were free-falling.   What is our son doing here??!!  He should be at work, or chilling with his friends or surfing, or checking his car out – he should not be having this deeply worried look on his dear young face. Dr Seddon talks in her even voice. We steel ourselves. Michael is still embracing life: legs or life? Life!  It is like watching an accident in slow motion, helpless to stop it. We too, are desperate for Michael to survive.

If only we all could become helium-filled and drift off, float far away, from the cancer, from these words, these finalities, drift, drift, up, away.

Outside the old hospital, the air is bitingly cold. Blue Christmas fairy lights are twinkling cutely. People hurrying on to somewhere.  We catch the number 12 bus from Chelsea to Kensington South tube station. It’s peak hour. Zillions of commuters, Londoners and tourists scurry around. Michael tells us he HAS to buy cigarettes.  Did our son take long deep drags, or small, nervous staccato puffs? We don't know, he refused to smoke in front of us. Told us he respects us too much. We said, no, don’t worry, Michael!  He said, he has never smoked in front of us, since a teenager, and he wasn't going to do so now, out of respect.  We appreciate his sentiment, but just want to take the unspeakable tension, the apprehension and the deepest of anxieties, that of facing death, from our beloved son. 

Together Michael, Gordon and I catch  a tube train to Waterloo to meet a friend at a pub on the other side of the river. What happened next, was a first – and a last - in our 10 years of countless London city visits. As the three of us approached the foot of the Tube escalator, a young man held out a leaflet to us. I just knew this was not an advertisement for a West End show or a restaurant ad and received it. As we stepped onto the escalator, his words startled us: "Jesus heals the broken-hearted". How could he have known? Gordon and I look normal – well more or less! Michael is just a young adult man, due to turn 27 in a few days’ time – we did not know,then, that he had as little as 10 weeks to live. We have never before or since been handed a Christian leaflet on the tubes. Yet this unknown young man tells parents and an adult son in the London Underground: “Jesus heals the broken-hearted”. Three ordinary faces in the crowd but oh - our hearts in tatters. “Jesus heals the broken-hearted”.

Outside the train station, we catch a typical double-decker red London bus, and make our way up the narrow steep steps, clinging to the rail as the driver pulls off.  From the upper-deck bus window we stare at the stunning classic night sights of floodlit Westminster Abbey, white like a ghost. On our right, as we approach Westminster Bridge, a brilliantly glowing Big Ben, London’s best-known landmark, spectacular with clock faces illuminated. The golden reflections of the Westminster Palace are dancing with the dark Thames. The London Eye, deep purple, on the left  is turning slowly with tourists - maybe a man is proposing to a woman!  But this is no sightseeing tour. There is Gordon , the dad, making urgent calls to Isabelle and Liesl, in Germany and South Africa, sad to tell them of  their brother's  lastest devastating news.  Siblings' broken hearts.... Michael is  phoning his friends and I am taking a few photos. The whole upper deck belongs to Gordon and I and Michael and to our rippling shock and deep, deep pain.  In retrospect this was a strange thing. Just us, in the empty upper bus, been taken past world-class illuminated tourist icons, scared.  How many times have we not dashed up the bus steps in years past – laughing – hoping to find a seat right in the front – full of the thrill of a world city! Not tonight. Tonight we wonder what it means for our son to face death. Is it to let go of the future?

Michael’s friend is waiting at the Waterloo pub on the other side of the Thames. While dad and son  order something to eat and drink, we share the shattering news and weep together.

The Ultimate Risk

Week 6: Video Update from Matt Chandler

Psalm 90:12 "So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom" Psalm 39:4 "Oh Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; and let me know how fleeting I am"

It is good (not as in yippie-yippie-yay) to know that we are not going to last forever.You may say that after death there is nothing…………..so I have nothing to fear. But can you be sure that is definitely going to be so? Are you not taking the ultimate risk and what are you going to do when you find out you were wrong? We don’t have oodles of unlimited time. Life is so fragile and longevity limited.

Ecclesiastes 3:1- A Time for Everything 1 For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. 2 A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest.

To live or to die without Christ Jesus, is to take the ultimate risk.

Our Very Good Friend's Diagnosis with Cancer and learning about Postmodernity

Our good friend sent us this email from the States today:

"The surgeon reported to me this morning that the cancer operated on my hand and supposedly not to have spread unfortunately has indeed spread to the lymph system (10 of 33 nodes removed found diseased). At this point in time I am now classified as having Stage III Melanoma cancer.

I will be getting an MRI (head/brain scan) tomorrow. Other than confirming the previously known condition of 'emptyheaditis', (his reputation for good humour is well-earned!) -  it will determine if anything has spread to that extremity."

You may, or may not wonder how on earth do a few notes on Postmodernity and our friend's biopsy results  link...   First the basic notes, then briefly back to our friend.

You may know the 2 basic summary notes on Postmodernity as the palm of your hand,  including much extra knowledge.  You may never have considered this thinking by name, but you will recognise and should have  the "feel" of our own era, ie postmodernity.

In green:  "Two Notes from "Humble Apologetics" by Stackhouse.

In blue:    Personal impressions.

In red:     A Definition of postmodernity as given by Os Guinness in "Fit Bodies, Fat Minds"

From "Humble Apologetics" by John G. Stackhouse, Jr.

A Few Notes on Postmodernity:


BASIC NOTE #1    Postmodernity  is a matter of point of view.  Human perception and thought are profoundly and only subjective.
Human knowledge is restricted by, for example,
*  a particular viewpoint
*  a certain place
*  a certain time
* a certain light, etc etc etc.
There is no absolute viewpoint.  There are only particular vantage places that give angles of vision on only particular thing.  Our views vary because our points of views vary.


BASIC NOTE #2.  Human knowledge is characterised by the quality of the particular knower - or community of knowers.
In other words, human knowledge is characterised by, for example:
gender, race, age, education, physical and mental health, emotional state, prejudices, beliefs, appetites, preferences and previous knowledge - etc - these all affect the process of human perception and interpretation.
There are simply angles of visions.
Postmodernity has no confidence in the "right way" of doing things.  There is no reliable access to reality.  It is up to each individual to select the values by which he or she would live.  There is no standard of goodness.

Jesus is Lord. 
There is One Name given under heaven by which people can be saved. 
Jesus said "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life". 
Three of a myriad quotes from Scriptures in  direct contrast to postmodernity thinking. 
Personally, we are just so deeply thankful that God did not leave it up to us to create our own realities.  Jesus is Lord - full of truth and full of grace!  Logically, do I want to choose my combinations of moral values in cafeteria style, or do I want my Perfect God to show me what truth is?

A common observation of our times: "Tolerance is one of the key-words for the post-modernist -except for those who believe truth is important!"   Suddenly tolerance morphs into rock-hard intolerance.  (Yesterday the UK Parliament voted on the Equality Law - for example).

A good summary of postmodern thinking is given by Os Guinness in Fit Bodies, Fat Minds:


Where modernism was a manifesto of human self-confidence and self-congratulation, postmodernism is a confession of modesty, if not despair.

• There is no truth, only truths. There are no principles, only preferences.
• There is no grand reason, only reasons.
• There is no grand narrative of human progress, only countless stories of where people and their cultures are now.




• There is no simple reality or any grand objectivity of universal, detached knowledge, only a ceaseless representation of everything in terms of everything else.

In sum, postmodernism...is an extreme form of relativism - and deadly.

Does our dear Christian friend want to hear that Jesus may or may not leave or forsake him?

Of course not!

Postmodernity shrugs with a "whatever" God gives His firm Word.

Our friend is unwavering in his faith:

"God is sovereign and this and any future events, including cures, are ALL in His Hands and Plan.
I do not intend to cancel my golf membership in hopes of actually some day learning the game"

Imagine Postmodernity-thinking at work in a driver approaching this roundabout in the UK,

or anywhere else, for that matter.

We are remembering Michael very especially on 23 January

Faithful One, so unchanging, Ageless One, You're my Rock of peace,
Lord of all, I depend on You, I call out to You again and again.
You are my Rock in times of trouble.
You lift me up when I fall down.
All through the storm Your love is the anchor,
My Hope is in You alone.

So loved by us, sisters, brothers-in law, family and his friends.
Today we remember again..........
Michael, Isabelle, Josie and Evie visited with us - and we were wishing Jason and Liesl, Joshua and Jesse were not far away in South Africa.
Gordon read the story of the prodigal son - which was the passage from which Neville preached at Michael's Memorial Service.
After that service we went to King's Beach - surfer friends formed a circle with boards beyond the waves and put down roses in the sea for Michael.  The girls wrote his name in the sand.  The next day our family and Karl, Michael's buddy, drove to Jeffreys Bay before dawn.  Jason and Karl paddled in past really quite big waves and there scattered Michael's ashes with more red roses.  We watched from the beach.
Printed on Michael's Memorial Service bulletin is:  "Passed from death to life" - and it is NOT a misprint - it is a glorious, glorious reality.  We try to remember this when we just want him back with us.

Here are some photos from not too many years ago:  Our Michael.  Love is stronger than death - we still love him!  Even though he looks healthy and happy here - nothing can be compared to the bliss in the fully revealed presence of God.  We can only imagine - those who have died (physically) in Jesus  know first-hand.


Not the best visuals, but the audio and the words are important - and was one of the DVD cuts played at Michael's service while all in the church listened.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHI_HGVtasY&feature=related

We give thanks to our heavenly Father for the wonderful gift of Michael He granted us all.

Michael wrote some songs himself and always loved singing - from the time

he sang in his little boy's soprano solo's.

Michael sang a song to his friends in the pub - "I know I will see your face again"

just before he left SA for UK after the really bad news.

There are so many stories!

We have never seen anyone making for the waves, jumping off the rocks, paddling in with

as much enthusiasm as Michael!

Playing frisbee - after having had to come out of the sea becuase of a shark-warning

Plettenberg Bay - shortly after this there was a shark-scare!

Can you hunt the prey for the lion?

One of our fun-discoveries in the UK has been "The Pub-Quiz".  Gordon and I have been to a memorable pub-quiz in Glasgow: much more entertaining  than a list of questions answered by groups of people in an endearing accent!  Just as entertaining is the traditional quiz at our Christmas church parties in Surrey and Knebworth, Hertfordshire.  For most of the answers you need to have life-long local knowledge, so Gordon and I just play and laugh along ignorant of many of the answers!  We rely on our accents and know it is not an IQ-test - and even if it is:  our self-esteem, thankfully, does not hinge on our brilliancy - or lack of it!  Here we go again:  grace, grace, grace - how else!?

Well!  Towards the end of the book of Job, we find the mother of all quizes:  God tells Job to brace himself like a man and see how he does with HIS 64 questions.   Category:  science and nature.

One of God's 64 questions: 
 "Can you hunt the prey for the lion?"

To help us along in considering God's question, here is a video clip on hunting lions:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkZ8kOMWTdI

 "Can you hunt the prey for the lion?"

Job's response in Job 42:

• Job is in awe of God's sovereignty

Verse 2 "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted."

• Job admits his lack of information and understanding:

Verse 3 "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know."

• Job's personal encounter with His God

Verse 5 "My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you"

• Job repents - easily to take this verse out of context!   The rest of Job makes sense to Job's repentance - and ours!

Verse 6 "Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

As we are now only days away from the 4th anniversary of our Michael's (physical) death, we remember our lovely son and brother and  friend, with sore and yearning hearts.  What an incredible gap Michael has left in our lives!

And....at the same time, we are:
1) resting in God's sovereign purposes and most wonderful promises,
2) recognising that we have only part of the picture of our LORD'S ways and plans.
   No, I cannot hunt the prey for the lion!!   It is clear that we have not - by a far shot - adequate    understanding. 

When we are truly face to face with God, there is no ways we can charge and challenge Him about Michael's suffering with cancer and  death shortly after his 27th birthday. 

We humbly thank our sovereign and compassionate God:
That He allows - even invites - us to reason and ask questions. 
For that  total and experienced security in His sovereignty
For lots of space to mourn and weep. 
For those family and friends who understand.
For God's own complete understanding of our unique loss, having suffered incomparably Himself. 

We are always so acutely aware that suffering is wide-spread - you may very well be reading this as a suffering one...we hug one another and, hopefully,  go after Job's response together.  Our almighty God is our Refuge and  Comforter - a thousand times and infinitely more, worthy of our trust! 

Where to we go with our "Why Questions"?

http://www.boomerinthepew.com/2010/01/esv-study-bible-series-we-are-three-days-from-hearing-gods-reply-to-jobs-pleading.html#comment-6a00e55043abd088340120a7cce647970b

What follows is a comment on a friend's blog on Job - see link above.

In 10 days' time,  it will 4 years since that early morning our family stood around Michael's bed at the very time Jesus fetched him to be with Him.

As we read the Job chapters,  as we look around us,  we realise afresh that suffering is varied and painfully widespread.   So........we realise that our pain is no exception, there is worse suffering, etc etc.   It is not about blogging just our story, it is about seeing how our God works in our lives and it is about having tender hearts for one another and about honouring those we loved and about honouring our Lord Who gave them to us.   We would love this to be about the Lord our Rock,  Who has made the most amazing promises that are sure to be fulfilled:  in the present and in the future.

Gordon and Michael 1st January 2006

While reading Job, we have in mind Michael and  our family's "big suffering": Michael's death and remember that Job lost 10 children and his wealth, health, identity and reputation.  Why? Why? Why did Michael's chromosomes 11 a nd 22 switch before birth? Why did our strong, hard-working, surfing, life-loving son get Ewings Sarcoma when he was 25? Why did he have to suffer through 14 lots of aggressive chemo (5 hospitalised days every third week) and radio treatment in vain?  Why did he have to suffer and die?  Why did we have to go through witnessing him dying before our very eyes in the last 3 months of his life?

Without going into the details here, we can testify that God in His Word has truly given us ample and sufficient information about suffering. Of course there is mystery which is part of the answers. Of course, humanly speaking, we just want our boy back - now!

Please, please it is NOT as if we have arrived and there is now nothing more to learn - to the contrary. We desparately need our God's grace - and, by His grace and in Jesus - it is ours!

But as to these why-questions about our Michael, after wrestling and reading and listenig - we can honestly say that we are not asking them anymore. We are at rest and at peace. And this is good - so we can invest our energies in being in awe of God etc etc etc.

We all  find ourselves at different stages of our journeys, but we can't think that it is a good thing to get STUCK in the why questions forever. Of course, it is not as if the pain is all gone and our personal life carries on as if nothing has happened. But it is a case of resting in your and our Sovereign and simultaneously very, very Good God! He is gracious and He is worthy!
I'm sure we all know that if He had to deal with us - outside of Jesus Christ - we would have been infinitely worse off!